Nobody in society

The air is warm this time of year, the summer sun heats the sidwalks, while the tar on the asphalt is soft from the extraordiary heat. It's 9 p.m., my skin is leathered and brown from long days of walking without a shirt on. My skin is peeling from a previous sunburn a fews days before. I'm dehydrated, eyes red and glossy, my jeans are torn with a thick film of dirt, the bottom of my feet are cracked and calloused because my shoes are falling apart.
The shirt I acquired from a dumpster near the 4th street clinic smells of sweat,shit, and rotten food; but, my senses are immune, or maybe I just don't care about the filth anymore. I carry the rotten shirt in my back pocket, because it is too hot outside. My hair smells of urine because I was so drunk I passed out in my own piss and vomit, while I was steadily, yet violently drinking my eighth bottle of whiskey for the day. The recent track mark on my arm was throbbing and bloody--I missed the vein, again--but, I still managed to feel the heroin stream through my body.
My goal is to find the next bottle, the next pill, the next fix...I can't seem to escape this atrocity within me. The rage of a monster engulfs my thoughts, mind, and body experience. The last twenty people or so ignored me or spit on me when I asked them for a some spare change. One guy even said, "get a job, you filthy fuckin' peice of shit, our society doesn't need you anymore. You're a nothing in our society." Why am I a nothing? Why am I trapped in this body of stress, anguish, despair and heartbreak? I try to make myself better....but, I can't seem to stop this feeling of anxiety, this uncontrollable force of demonic plague in my mind,body and heart. My family disowned me, my grades in school we're horrible because my pot habit "got the best of me."
Nobody wants me...nobody cares.....I don't even want me, my identity are drugs and alcohol...the feeling of inexplicable rejection confuses me. What do I do? The police won't even arrest me and take me to jail, I guess I want to go to jail too badly, and if I want something that will help me, it doesn't ever happen.

Goodbye letter to my drug of choice

For me and you it was love at first hit. From the moment I met you I knew I would never quit. I can't describe how much you mean to me but that doesn't matter to the world, they don't see that your just a plant, they won't let us be. It breaks my heart to say this, but, its time for me and you to part but don't worry I'll be fine cause right now it's time to get my life back on track and I can't do that while smoking a sack. Now its time for us to be apart but I will always love you with my heart. Maybe one day we can be back together but at this rate that seems like forever. The world don't even want us to stay friends, your evil, your bad, is the message they sends, but for now its time for you to go, before its my life that I blow. There's no easy way for me to lose my love, so I look to God for relief from above. Now I must go before my heart starts to cry, I love you Mary Jane but for now good bye.

Signed
In Treatment